Jennifer Vido Interviews Author Kaylie Jones

Photo by Scott Christian Anderson


Jen’s Jewels
September 1, 2009

Kaylie Jones

Alcoholism is a disease that affects people from all walks of life. It’s hard not to turn on the television these days without hearing about some celebrity on his or her way to rehab. Even the radio plays its fair share of songs lamenting the hardship of this addictive drug.
This month’s Jen’s Jewels knows firsthand how destructive alcohol can be. Kaylie Jones is no stranger to the publishing business having lived a life surrounded by many literary giants including her own father, James Jones. In her latest release, LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, she beautifully puts into words her own family’s struggle with alcohol and shares the hard life lessons she’s learned along the way.

As part of this interview, William Morrow has generously donated five copies for you, my lucky readers, to win. So, don’t forget to look for the trivia question at the end. And as always, thanks for making Jen’s Jewels a part of your reading adventure.

Jen: As the daughter of the award-winning novelist James Jones, you lived a privileged life surrounded by numerous literary giants such as Truman Capote and Irwin Shaw. In your latest release, LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, you take on your biggest challenge to date…your relationship with your mother, in an unforgettable memoir filled with brutal honesty and raw emotion. First, let’s talk about your childhood. As an American living in Paris, what aspects of the French culture most positively affected your family life?

Kaylie: I loved being bilingual. I loved French culture and manners. I felt very much at home in France and still do. The one aspect of French life that I didn’t love was school! I didn’t do well with the kind of authoritative nastiness the teachers dished out on small children.

Jen: At the beginning of the book, you address the adoption of your brother Jamie in great detail. Looking back, what impact did it have on your relationship with your mother? Throughout your childhood, did you embrace his presence or were there feelings of resentment?
Kaylie: Jamie and I argued a lot as kids. My mother always took his side. But I understand why she did. She felt he was much more vulnerable than I. There wasn’t much of my mother to share in the first place, and now there were two of us. Yes, we fought a lot. But we grew up, and now we don’t fight at all.

Jen: And, what is your relationship like today?

Kaylie: Jamie is one of the best people I know. I trust him completely and believe he will always have my back, as I’ll have his. He is intelligent, sensitive, loyal, and decent. All the things I love in human beings.

Jen: Your exposure to alcohol at a young age led to your own struggles with alcoholism later in life. As a child, how did you feel about your parents’ drinking? Was it acceptable behavior in your eyes?

Kaylie: To me, their drinking seemed perfectly normal. I thought everyone in the world drank that way, and that it was part of life. “I’m so hung over” was a sentence that I thought everyone said, and that it was very amusing.

Jen: How did the loss of your father when you were sixteen years old change your relationship with your mother?

Kaylie: My father’s death certainly didn’t help my relationship with my mother. She completely collapsed. If she was unavailable before, now she was completely shut down. It took her years to pull herself out of that depression, and I don’t believe she ever fully recovered. My relationship with my brother, however, improved a great deal. We began to talk. We began to rely on each other for advice and help. He was a pillar against which I leaned and still lean.

Jen: On his deathbed, your father asked you, not Jamie, to promise to stop your mother from drinking. Why do you think he chose to rest the burden upon your shoulders and not his?

Kaylie: Our father put a different burden on Jamie. He told Jamie, “Take care of the house. If you take care of the house, everything else will be all right.” That 16 year old boy broke his back trying to keep the house together. He thought it was his mission in life. Letting go of his responsibility toward the house was the hardest thing he probably ever had to do.

Jen: Soon after his demise, your mother’s reckless behavior quickly encroached upon your world as she drew you into her life of drunkenness. For many years, it was the norm for you. At what point did you realize that your life was spinning out of control?

Kaylie: When I was diagnosed as having an ulcer at the age of 28. That was the beginning of the end for me. But it took me another three years and a disastrous marriage to realize I was an alcoholic and that I was in serious trouble.

Jen: Facing sobriety took a toll on many of your relationships including the one with your mother. Throughout your memoir, you address your feelings of guilt of not being able to help her battle her own demons. How have you turned this experience into a positive learning tool for your daughter, Eyrna?

Kaylie: I never hid from Eyrna that I was an alcoholic who no longer drank. She has known that since she was able to talk and understand. I never hid it and I never acted as if it were a bad thing, or a secret. This enabled her to have no feelings of guilt or shame associated with the word “alcoholic.” I am probably more proud of this than any other single element of her upbringing.

Jen: I have to admit, I was so happy for you when I read about your marriage to Kevin. You portray him as being your Rock of Gibraltar which you so needed in your life at the time. Describe for us his relationship with your mother. In what ways, if at all, was he able to bridge the gap for you two?

Kaylie: My mother was so angry at Kevin that she actually said, in front of Eyrna when she was around five years old, “If he were my husband, I’d kill him.” Eyrna repeated this to me, worried that her grandmother was actually going to try to kill her father. My mother had no understanding at all of the effect her words might have on a child. The reason my mother did not like Kevin was that he stood up to her. Never once did he let her get away with pushing him around, or me, or Eyrna.

Jen: Let’s talk a minute about Mr. Bill, your Taekwondo instructor as well as mentor. He, too, played a key role in your battle to take control of your life. What was the greatest lesson he taught you? In the book, you mention his illness. Is he still alive?

Kaylie: Mr. Bill is very ill and is not able to do much. I go visit him and call him as often as possible. He is one of the strongest men I’ve ever known. He is so brave in the face of this devastating cancer. What he taught me is that you show up, no matter what. He taught me self-discipline, but also to stop thinking so much, and judging myself so harshly. He always said, “You can’t fight angry. You have to fight calm and clear-headed.”

Jen: Of course, we can’t talk about the ending of the book without giving too much away; however, how did the volatility of your relationship with your mother open your eyes to the fragility of human life?

Kaylie: I think rather the contrary. Our relationship taught me about the strength of human life, and what humans are capable of, both in the good sense and in the bad. When I wanted to shrink into bed and never come out again, I got dressed and took my daughter to school. I made dinner. I went to tae kwon do. I learned that one goes on, no matter what.

Jen: Which character traits did you inherit from each of your parents of which you are most proud?

Kaylie: They were both very stubborn. They were both more angry than afraid. I think these traits have helped me to survive and be single-minded in my pursuits.

Jen: Upon completion of this memoir, what valuable life lessons did you take away from the whole experience of putting your life into words?

Kaylie: I really felt, after this whole experience with my mother, that nothing much worse in terms of humiliation and horror could happen to me. So I decided that I would not feel ashamed or guilty ever again, for things that “happen” to me, or, things that I might have done in the past that I used to feel ashamed about.

Jen: Finally, let’s talk about the title, LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME. Please explain to us its significance.

Kaylie: I was raised with the belief that my mother was the most honest person in the world. I was told this repeatedly by both my parents. It’s a simple mathematical proof: if my mother was the most honest person in the world, and she believed she was not an alcoholic, then the problem must have been within me. My mother never told lies; therefore, she never told me lies. These are the lies she never told me. When I discovered that we were all alcoholics, the entire foundation upon which we stood was shattered.

Jen: Are you currently at work on your next project? And if so, what can you tell us about it?

Kaylie: I am thinking about, and taking notes for, two projects, one a novel with an unreliable first person narrator who lies to the reader all the time; the other is a memoir about my teaching experience, and how that shaped my life. I wasn’t able to put much of that in this book. It is a completely different, yet just as important subject for me.

Jen: Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to stop by and chat with my readers. Your life story is a true testament to the strong woman you have become. I so appreciate you sharing it with my readers.

Kaylie: Thank you for your thoughtful and heartfelt questions.

I hope you have enjoyed my interview with Kaylie. If you would like to learn more about LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME, please click on this link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCZ7lx9W-LI

Okay, it’s time for the trivia contest! Be one of the first five readers to e-mail me at jensjewels@gmail.com with the correct answer to the following trivia question and you’ll win your very own copy of LIES MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME.

What is the name of Kaylie’s Taekwondo instructor?

Later this month, I will be bringing to you my interview with Cathy Marie Buchanan, author of the phenomenal love story THE DAY THE FALLS STOOD STILL. You won’t want to miss it!

Until next time…Jen

Jen's Bio:When a twist of fate landed Jennifer Vido at the "Reading with Ripa" roundtable discussion with Kelly Ripa and Meg Cabot, she knew that her career as a French teacher would never be the same. A graduate of Vanderbilt University, Jennifer is a member of Romance Writers of America and reviews books for the major publishing houses, such as Random House, Penguin, and Harper Collins. Currently, she is a columnist and reviewer for www.freshfiction.com, where her popular monthly column, Jen's Jewels, also appears. As a national trainer for The Arthritis Foundation's Aquatic and Land Exercise Programs, she is an advocate for those like herself who suffer from arthritis, the nation's #1 cause of disability. In addition, she serves as Vice-chairperson of the Board of Trustees of the Harford County Public Library where she resides with her husband and two sons. She may be reached at jensjewel s@gmail.com and JenniferVido.com.

Author Kris Radish's Interview with Jennifer Vido

Jen’s Jewels
August 15, 2009

Kris Radish

Family reunions can be exciting, stressful, and perhaps even life-changing depending on the individual dynamics of your family. From the initial planning stages to the execution of the big day, many factors contribute to its success. Needless to say, some people wind up doing more than others, but the end result is almost always worth the effort.

This month’s Jen’s Jewels Kris Radish had her fair share of experience orchestrating her own family reunions. You may recognize her name as the author of the bestselling books THE SUNDAY LIST OF DREAMS or SEARCHING FOR PARADISE IN PARKER, PA, both fabulous reads. In her latest release THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO WOMEN, she creates the ultimate family reunion while incorporating the struggles of a woman in search of herself. Laugh out-loud funny, her new book is sure to be winner.

As part of this interview, Bantam Dell has generously donated five copies for you, my lucky readers, to win. So, don’t forget to look for the trivia question at the end. And, please stop by my website, www.jennifervido.com, where you can find all of my interviews, reviews, and so much more. Thanks for making Jen’s Jewels a part of your reading adventure.

Jen: As an author of six best-selling books in addition to being a journalist, your career has run the gamut. For those readers unfamiliar with your work, let’s start at the beginning. Please describe for us your educational and professional background prior to becoming a novelist.
Kris: I have a degree in journalism from the University of Wisconsin and I am not sure we have enough time to discuss every job I have ever had! I was a working journalist for thirty-five years-that sounds old- and have written about everything from natural disasters and murders to bake sales and city council meetings. And oh yes, I loved every minute of it. I was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, flew to Bosnia when the war started, had a stalker for almost a year, was a nationally syndicated columnist, a professional Girl Scout, worm harvester, bartender, lifeguard, return specialist at a major warehouse….well, really – Kris has been around the block baby.

Jen: Becoming a successful author requires talent as well as support from loved ones. You’ve said on your website that your parents believed in you. Ultimately, their encouragement led to the pursuit of your dream of becoming an author. How did their nod of approval attribute to your decision to write books based upon empowered women such as yourself?
Kris: I was raised to believe in dreams and that even if we didn’t have money – we could take on the world. My parents laughed a lot when I talked about my dreams – laughed in a way that was half-holy cow she is going to do this and half-what have we created. They never tried to stop me and even when I took off for parts unknown – they never said, “No.”.

Jen: Your latest endeavor, THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO WOMEN, incorporates the best and the worst when it comes to family. Funny yet at times poignant, I was so impressed with your ability to reach within the depths of your characters’ souls. Truly, I felt as if these women were a part of my life. (I was secretly wishing I could become a Gilford!) How did you arrive at the premise?
Kris: I usually start out by looking into the mirror and dissecting my own life. Family is all over the place. I have three siblings and I have some friends who told me a story about their holiday conflicts. These are grown women! One holiday is here – one is there and I said to them, “When can you start your own traditions”? They looked at me as if I had just stripped naked. Thus – a book was born.

Jen: The story focuses on Emma Gilford, the only unmarried daughter in the family, who struggles with the idea of self-fulfillment. Concerned with her sisters, mother, and past romances, she always puts her own needs last. In what ways has her birth order affected this decision? Of her three sisters, Erika, Joy, and Debra, who depends on her the most and why?
Kris: Well, here is Emma who is unmarried. That means, to the married sisters, that she has tons of free time to be their unpaid helper. Really, all three sisters depend on her. They take her for granted also because she lets them. In families it is VERY hard to draw lines and isn’t it the “girls” who usually take up the slack? She’s also the baby and I‘m not sure you ever get over that. At some point the baby and the baby’s siblings have to stop and address each other as adults…most of the time.

Jen: The most colorful character in the story is Emma’s mother, Marty. A flamboyant widow who is in search of the next phase in her life, she has a take-no-prisoners attitude when it comes to dealing with her children and even the neighbors. How does her metamorphosis affect Emma’s own view of herself? In what ways is she envious and perhaps a bit jealous of her mother’s new-found freedom?
Kris: Don’t you just love Marty? I want to be just like her when I am a grandma….not for years I hope. (Hear that kids?) Marty’s transformation was a long time coming and startles the living hell out of Emma. It gives her one more reason to examine her life and get a grip. And doesn’t change always prod us? Doesn’t it make us look at our own self and life? It’s just one more gift that Marty gives, not just to Emma, but to all of her daughters. “Listen to me – it is never too late.”

Jen: It could be said the Gilford Family Reunion is the main character in this book. I would have to assume that your knowledge of the topic comes from personal experience. Is that true? And if so, are you the queen of the Radish Family Reunion? Are your get-togethers similar to that described in the book?
Kris: You caught me! Radish Family Reunions have been a part of my life for 55 years. And yes, there is an auction. I am far from the queen and actually have been unable to attend for the past several years but the reunions are a very important part of my life and memory and I was just back home in Wisconsin and will be posting some REALLY old reunion photos on my website, www.krisradish.com, very soon! Prepare to laugh.

Jen: Emma’s love interest is what I would call a forbidden fruit. A sister’s ex-boyfriend! How could that be? How does Sam’s “appearance” affect Emma’s view of her relationship with her family? Despite obvious reasons, why has she chosen to keep it a secret?
Kris: You know when you are ready to change it is almost like a chain reaction and finally there is just one last thing that pushes you forward. For Emma it was the phone calls from her lost love. The calls pushed her right over the edge and forced her to face her choices. She was afraid to live and afraid to be judged and afraid of living…so she was existing like so many of us. And the secret was the one thing she had that no one else in her family had.

Jen: Emma’s saving grace, if you will, is her garden. Her nurturing of Mother Earth brings forth a certain tranquility that she lacks in her personal life. In what ways do the plants cultivate her gentle, loving spirit?
Kris: Emma is never judged in her garden. No one expects anything but water and maybe a little plant food. And her gardens are hers and hers only…sacred ground, her haven, the one place where she can be herself and not rise to what she perceives are so many expectations. It is also a beautiful place to be. It’s very hard to be anything but loving and kind and true when a daisy is walking itself across your forehead.

Jen: Emma’s bond with her niece Stephie fills an obvious void in both of their lives. How does it positively affect Emma’s troubled relationship with her sister Joy?
Kris: Joy’s cup runneth over. She knows she’s in trouble and once she finally can let go, which is a pretty huge thing to do, she realizes what a gift Emma is and has been for her and her daughter. Who does not need a cool auntie? I had one and my Auntie Barbara was a live and wonderful force in my life.

Jen: Of all the sisters, Emma has the closest relationship with their mother Marty. What makes these two kindred spirits?
Kris: When Marty’s husband and Emma’s father died both of them filled their life’s void with each other. Emma was the baby and think of it as a wild storm where they could both cling to each other. They are both also caretakers and have hearts that were spun from the same fabric. It’s so hard to know when to let go and when to hold on. I’m a mother and believe me – I know. Well, most of the time I know – the rest I am clueless and groping in the dark!

Jen: A common thread throughout the story is the undeniable need for each woman to love and be loved. What important life lesson will Emma have to learn in order to achieve true happiness?
Kris: Emma, like all of us, needs to conquer her fear and to simply let go. Sometimes the fear of change can cripple us. It seems as if staying where we are is the best because it’s comfortable but if we take a really close look we will see that our socks no longer fit, the shoes are too small, and we have outgrown our own lives. It is time to move on.

Jen: The beauty pageant was an unexpected twist to the plot. Why did you choose to incorporate it into the story?
Kris: I loved this part of the book! It came as a surprise to me – believe me. I love addressing the idea of beauty and expectations and I love breaking down stereotypes. Stephie is standing on the edge of her future as well and this was a step out of her box, a way for her to move forward in her life in spite of all the chaos in her own life. Besides that it is funny as hell! I so wanted to be on that bus and could see the other people in the audience looking at all of them. Sometimes you just really need to be yourself – well, you always need to be yourself, you know?

Jen: Will there be a sequel? (I hope so!)I felt as if some questions were left unanswered. Was this on purpose?
Kris: Oh sure! Some days, when I am drinking wine (mostly every day by the way); I think how cool it would be to put all of the characters from my novels into one book. Can you just see it? Then we could turn it into a musical. I’m going to start it right now…!

Jen: Let’s talk about your website. (I just love the term Radishland! It made me chuckle!) Do you have a mailing list? E-mail notification of upcoming releases? Do you participate in author phone chats? And if so, how would my readers go about scheduling one? Do you blog?
Kris: The only I do not do on my website is give away free beer….my readers have to come to an event for that. I blog a lot and I love it. I do tons of book club chats and there is a link on my website for that and I LOVE to do them – it’s like having a Radish in your living room. I do giveaways and I have a cool section for readers to send in their own stuff and I give away a prize. I also answer all my own emails and I do have a very cool newsletter…! Come take a peek.

Jen: Are you currently at work on your next novel? If so, what can you tell us about it?
Kris: Of course I am …not write? I would die. My next novel Hearts on a String will REALLY surprise my readers. Hang on is what I have to say. I am stretching myself with each novel and this one makes me REALLY tall.

Jen: Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and chat with my readers. I look forward to seeing THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO WOMEN at the top of the bestseller’s list. Best of luck!
Kris: Jen…you are aces, baby! Thank you for this opportunity and for allowing me into your world. Keep the door open…please!

I hope you have enjoyed my interview with Kris. Please stop by your local library or favorite bookstore like Indigo Books on John's Island in South Carolina today and pick up a copy! Better yet, how would you like to win one instead? Okay, be one of the first five readers to e-mail me at jensjewels@gmail.com with the answer to the following trivia question and THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO WOMEN is yours!
What is the nickname of Kris Radish’s website?
In September, I will be bringing to you my interview with Kaylie Jones, daughter of prize winning novelist James Jones. You won’t want to miss it.
Until next time…Jen

Jen's Bio:When a twist of fate landed Jennifer Vido at the "Reading with Ripa" roundtable discussion with Kelly Ripa and Meg Cabot, she knew that her career as a French teacher would never be the same. A graduate of Vanderbilt University, Jennifer is a member of Romance Writers of America and reviews books for the major publishing houses, such as Random House, Penguin, and Harper Collins. Currently, she is a columnist and reviewer for www.freshfiction.com, where her popular monthly column, Jen's Jewels, also appears. As a national trainer for The Arthritis Foundation's Aquatic and Land Exercise Programs, she is an advocate for those like herself who suffer from arthritis, the nation's #1 cause of disability. In addition, she serves as Vice-chairperson of the Board of Trustees of the Harford County Public Library where she resides with her husband and two sons. She may be reached at jensjewel s@gmail.com and JenniferVido.com.

Computer Classes Resume on Monday Nights in September!

Back by popular demand, we will be offering computer classes on Monday nights during September along with our regularly scheduled Tuesday morning offerings. As always, our computer classes are free and are designed for adults and young adults. For more information please call 559-1945 and ask for the Reference Department. Class space is available for 8 participants per session.

Word Basics
Tuesday, September 1 from 10:00 a.m.–12 Noon
Registration starts 8/18
Introduction to the basic tools of Microsoft Word. Learn how to enter and format text, change margins and line spacing, and copy and paste text. Saving and printing tips will also be discussed. Prerequisite: Some experience using a mouse will be helpful.

Excel Basics
Tuesday, September 8 from 10:00 a.m.–12 Noon
Registration starts 8/25
An introduction to spreadsheets using Microsoft Excel. This session provides a basic overview and common uses for spreadsheets. Learn basic Excel functions and build a simple budget spreadsheet. Prerequisite: Word Basics or some experience using MS Word will be helpful.

Computer Basics
Monday, September 14 from 6:00–8:00 p.m.
Registration starts 8/31
This class provides a basic introduction to the personal computer and its parts. Learn how to use the mouse and navigate the computer screen. There is time for hands-on practice. No computer experience is necessary.

Mail Merge Magic
Tuesday, September 15 from 10:00 a.m.–12 Noon
Registration starts 9/1
Follow-up to Word Basics and Excel Basics. Create an address mailing list in Excel and a form letter in Word. Learn how to merge the two together. This is a great project to get ready for holiday mailings! Learn how to create mailing labels, print envelopes or multiple copies of letters. Prerequisite: Word Basics and Excel Basics or some experience with MS Word and MS Excel will be helpful.

Keyboard Basics
Monday, September 21 from 6:00–8:00 p.m.
Registration starts 9/5
Basic orientation to using the computer keyboard. Learn to be a more efficient keyboarder. General instruction and hands-on practice. No computer experience is necessary.

PowerPoint Basics
Tuesday, September 22 from 10:00 a.m.–12 Noon
Registration starts 9/8
Overview of Microsoft PowerPoint, a software program for designing creative presentations and slideshows. Create a simple presentation and learn how to use this program to produce effective printed materials. Prerequisite: Word Basics or some experience using MS Word will be helpful.

Internet Basics
Monday, September 28 from 6:00–8:00 p.m.
Registration starts 9/14
An introduction to the Internet, focusing on the World Wide Web, using Internet Explorer. Provides an overview of how the Internet is structured and introduces searching on the World Wide Web. Prerequisite: Some experience using a mouse will be helpful.

Publisher: Create a Calendar for the School Year
Tuesday, September 29 from 10:00 a.m –12 Noon
Registration starts 9/15
Create a calendar for the new school year! Learn the basics of this desktop publishing program. MS Publisher is designed for creating greeting cards, flyers, signs, brochures, calendars, and much more. Prerequisite: Word Basics or some experience using MS Word will be helpful.

Jennifer Vido Interviews Author Awista Ayub

(Photo by Scott Duncan)

Jen’s Jewels
August 1, 2009

Awista Ayub

This time last month, we all were celebrating our country’s birthday. It’s amazing how far we have come. From the Civil War to civil rights, we have made great strides in history. Nowadays, our freedom seems to have become commonplace. Quite frankly, it’s something we expect and rightfully so. Our forefathers fought long and hard to make our nation what it is today. Yet many countries around the globe do not have such liberties. It’s hard for us to imagine what life for them is like.
This month’s Jen’s Jewels has experienced life in both circumstances. Awista Ayub fled her homeland of Afghanistan as a child only to return as an Afghan-American adult. In her inspirational book HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN, she shares her story of how the game of soccer changed her life and the lives of Afghan girls forever.
As part of this interview, Hyperion Books has generously donated five books for you, my lucky readers, to win. So, don’t forget to look for the trivia question at the end. Also, please stop by my website, http://www.jennifervido.com/, where you can find all of my past interviews, reviews, and so much more. Thanks for making Jen’s Jewels a part of your reading adventure.

Jen: As an Afghanistan- American, your cultural heritage played an instrumental role as the inspiration for your book, HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN. Let’s start by taking a step back, and talk about your journey to America. Please describe for us the circumstances that led to your fleeing of Afghanistan back in 1981. Was anyone in your immediate family left behind?
Awista:
When leaving Afghanistan in 1981 I was only two years old, so I have no memory of the journey itself, but the circumstances surrounding our exit from Afghanistan were tied directly to the war taking place in the country. In 1978 Russian forces entered Afghanistan and, as a result, life changed for many families including my own. My parents never thought of leaving their homeland until 1981 but staying for them, they felt, was also no longer an option as was the sentiment for the millions of other Afghan refugees that fled the country since the late 1970s.

Certainly my family was fortunate enough to be in a position to leave – but this was not an option for all Afghans. Some of our immediate family was left behind either because they chose to stay or they were unable to leave. For those families that remained in Afghanistan, they thought it best to weather out the storm thinking it might only last for a short period of time. There was still so much uncertainty in regards to where the country was going, and I’m sure, no one could have predicted that 30 years later the country would still be in a tumultuous position. For those Afghans that did decide to stay after the initial Russian invasion, I think that they thought the war and violence would only last a short period of time, and that the country might still have a chance to return to normalcy. My parents did have that same hope, but what was a temporary move to the States had eventually become a permanent one, as their home country was still not stable enough to return to.

Jen: In terms of your family life, what steps did your parents take in order to keep your country’s customs and beliefs a part of your daily life?
Awista:
Growing up with a hyphenated identity wasn’t always easy, but my parents always kept the culture strong at home, and from that, my siblings and I have kept the culture alive in our own lives. At home my parents would speak to my siblings and I in our native tongue, Pashto, they taught us the nuances of the culture, taught us how to read and write in Arabic so that we could read the Qur’an, and my mother taught my sister and me the hand embroidery that is endemic to the Kandari culture. I must say though that as a young girl, at times, I might not have always appreciated the extra efforts that my parents went through to ensure that the culture was alive in our home, but it is something that I am even more thankful and grateful for now.

Jen: Having arrived in the States at the age of two, I would think that you would have few, if any, memories of life from your homeland. Growing up, did you feel as if you belonged here, or was there always a sense that a part of yourself was missing?
Awista:
Growing up as a first generation immigrant certainly had its benefits and challenges. One benefit was that we always had unique stories from our parents’ lives to listen to, but a challenge was that we couldn’t experience it ourselves. There were many times as a young girl where I would feel a bit out of place – certainly having a unique name made me stand out, but even more than that, I did feel as though I couldn’t always identify with American culture. I remember my first trip to Afghanistan as an adult and finally feeling at “home” – I looked like everyone else, was able to speak Pashto every day. That sense of belonging was a new and welcoming feeling to me – which is not to say though that I don’t feel welcomed in the States, but to connect again with one’s native country is a unique and life-changing experience. Although I felt at “home” there, I still faced some difficulties in adjusting to life in Afghanistan having never experienced the culture as strongly as I did during my time there.

Jen: Since the passing of Title IX in 1972, the opportunity to play sports has greatly attributed to the overall development of young women. As a child in the early eighties, please tell us how your involvement in soccer began, and how it made a mark on your future.
Awista:
Interestingly enough, I wasn’t involved with organized athletics until later in life, and was never a soccer player. With being such a young immigrant family, the priority for my parents was to provide the essentials for the family, and so signing us up for a youth sports program wasn’t a top priority. My first real introduction to sports was through television – ESPN – and I remember watching SportsCenter weekday and weekend mornings. I would also watch tennis and ice hockey matches frequently on TV and always wanted to play – but didn’t have a chance to at the time. Once I began my freshman year in high school I decided that I would play tennis and joined the team that spring season. I immediately fell in love with playing and would spend hours on the court even after practice was over. There began my first introduction to organized sports. In the classroom and on the court, I felt, was where I was the most confident as a young girl. I continued to participate in sports from that point forward and I now recognize that this had an extremely positive impact on my own life. I learned key lessons in life from my experience playing sports – learned how to work towards a goal, understood the power of teamwork, gained strength in my own self-confidence, and learned how to handle losses with grace and tenacity. While these lessons can be learned outside of the sports arena, I do think that the platform of sports reinforces it more strongly.

Jen: How did your love for soccer transcend into a personal journey of hope for eight young girls? And, please describe the mission of the Afghan Youth Sports Exchange.
Awista: The Afghan Youth Sports Exchange (AYSE) is an organization I founded in late 2003 dedicated to equipping Afghanistan’s youth with the leadership skills required to promote athletics in their communities. Bringing a group of female soccer players to the States for training, I thought, would provide them an opportunity to experience another culture and gain leadership skills while also learning the fundamentals of the sport.

I chose soccer not because of my love for the sport per se, but because of my impression of the global nature of the sport itself. Also, soccer is easy, since all you really need to play is a ball. The goal was that the girls, upon their return to Afghanistan, would help teach soccer to other young children in Afghanistan. What I would come to understand later, though, was that by choosing soccer, a male-dominated sport in Afghanistan, the girls would be pushing the boundaries of the sports culture and would be thrust into a position that would challenge the gender barriers of the culture both on and off the field.


Jen: How did HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN come to fruition? I have to admit, I was quite touched by the title you chose for your book. As you shared with your readers, it comes from an Afghan proverb…However tall the mountain, there’s always a road. Without a doubt, it beautifully depicts your story.
Awista:
The title of the book, However Tall the Mountain, came to fruition as a result of poet/writer/editor Veronica Golos who worked with me on the book. Veronica stumbled upon the proverb while we were working on the book, and as we discussed title ideas she proposed However Tall the Mountain. The publisher and I felt that it was a very fitting title for the book as the book shares with the reader both stories of struggle, and also of courage and hope as these young Afghan girls overcome tremendous obstacles in their own pursuit in fighting for the right to play.

Jen: As I read the book, I couldn’t help but wonder… how you were able to convince these families (the men, of course, who are the heads of the households) to allow their daughters, not sons, to play soccer? Here you are, a foreigner, an American none-the-less, trying to break cultural restrictions enforced by the former Taliban. How did you do it? And at the time, did you fear your own safety?
Awista: A colleague on the ground in Kabul found the first group of girls that traveled to the States in 2004. Since girls weren’t playing soccer at the time that we were recruiting, the decision in choosing each girl was based on their own level of maturity in being able to handle a trip to the States. We also based it on their leadership potential as we hoped the girls would help teach peers the sport upon their return to Afghanistan.

Getting permission from the parents was not actually too difficult. I strongly believe that parents all over the world want to provide what is best for their children, regardless if it’s their daughters or sons and regardless of what country they live in. By the time of the program, Afghanistan had faced over 25 years of war and violence dating back to 1978. The girls were born into this world of brutality. When a chance came for them to participate in the exchange trip to the States, their parents were more than happy to allow their daughters to see the world beyond their troubled region.

Jen: Tacking onto that last question, what was the reaction from the families when you told them that the girls would be wearing uniforms and not traditional garb? Did the girls wear burqas while playing? Why or why not?
Awista:
When the girls were in the States in 2004, I gave them the option to choose what they were most comfortable wearing as it wouldn’t be my place to dictate to them what they should or shouldn’t wear. While they chose to cover their bodies with long and loose t-shirts, long and loose shorts and long socks, they didn’t wear a headscarf as they did back in Kabul – but this was their choice. None of the girls wore burqas while in Kabul at the time of the trip, so not wearing one while in the States was not an issue. In my trips to Kabul in working with the local girl’s sports teams I would also never interfere with what any girl would want to wear while playing sports. With that said though, the girls locally wear what they are most comfortable playing in – which doesn’t include shorts – there is variation in how they dress. All of the girls wear pants, and loose fitting t-shirts – oftentimes long-sleeve, many also cover their heads but while some wear the head scarf, others might wear a baseball cap, or cover their hair with a bandana. So they use their personal preference and judgment to decide what is best for them – as should be the case. The playing field is also a “safe space” in that there are no men around watching the girls play, so this provides them an environment where they can make these choices for themselves.

Jen: Throughout the book, when the girls are speaking, they end their phrase with “jan”. What does that mean? Is it a word of respect in the Afghan culture? Also, please describe in further detail the typical Afghan breakfast. The tidbits of Afghan cultural you shared with the reader were very interesting.
Awista:
The term “jan” in Afghan culture is a term of respect and endearment and translates to mean “dear”. So out of respect it is a phrase used frequently after someone’s name.

The typical Afghan breakfast is very tasty and savory. It oftentimes includes eggs which are cooked over sautéed tomatoes and onions, fresh homemade bread, and with warm milk, tea, or a tea with milk. My favorite is the tea with milk!

Jen: In what ways was the language barrier an issue for you in terms of implementing your program? How much English did the girls learn?
Awista:
The language barrier, particularly when the girls were in the States, was definitely a major obstacle to me personally. All of the girls spoke Dari, and I grew up speaking Pashto, and while some words are similar, the two languages are vastly different from one another. Although the language barrier didn’t hinder my ability to implement the program, it did make it difficult to pick up on the dynamics of the team and allow me to follow a conversation between them in real time. I oftentimes had to ask for a translation of the conversation from one of the girls who spoke Pashto. But while the language barrier might have left me out of the live conversation at times, it interestingly provided the girls an opportunity to handle their own issues and problems, and so when they returned back to Kabul they were used to each others’ personalities and how to handle their own issues without the interference of an adult. So I do feel that they returned as a stronger team and were capable of managing their own team issues. In regards to English, the girls picked up a few phrases and words, but because Dari was the common language among all of the girls they didn’t need to learn too much English – although some girls did understand and spoke basic English from learning the language in Afghanistan.

Jen: The impact of your program on the lives of these girls is immeasurable. Simply, their overall sense of self-worth is priceless. Let’s turn the tables. How have you grown as an individual from this experience?
Awista:
In many ways, my work with the program helped me find a part of myself – a part I didn’t know was missing at the time. While I always had dreams of returning to Afghanistan one day, the circumstance of where the country was throughout its tumultuous history caused me to let go of that dream over time. Now, having worked with the girls and traveled to Afghanistan I’ve gained an even deeper appreciation and respect for the culture, and also for those Afghans that have endured so much pain and suffering. I had no choice really but to change and grow on a personal level. And while I was always grateful for the courage and initiative it took for my parents to come to the States back in 1981, I’ve now come to appreciate it even more as I know that my life experience could have been drastically different from the life I live. So it has increased my own sense of responsibility and my own desire to help others as well, not only in Afghanistan but Muslim female athletes in other countries.

Jen: Will the girls have the opportunity to read this book? Why or why not?
Awista:
Yes, they will certainly receive copies of the book once it is published. Their stories are truly inspiring and for them to have some of their life stories written will be something that they can have for years to come.

Jen: Describe for us your vision for the Afghan Youth Sports Exchange’s future. Is there an opportunity for Americans to contribute their time, talent, and monetary support to this cause? If so, how would my readers be able to reach out to your organization?
Awista:
In regards to the Afghan Youth Sports Exchange (AYSE) and its future, our last in-country program took place during the summer of 2007 where we sent a delegation of Afghan-American coaches to Afghanistan to organize a number of sports clinics in Kabul. As security has increasingly become an issue, I couldn’t guarantee the safety of those coaches that traveled with the program to Kabul, and we have not sent a delegation of coaches since then. While my work, up to now, has focused solely on Afghanistan, I’ve also come to understand that more funding and support also needs to be provided for more Muslim women sports programs. With this in mind, I’ve partnered with the Dutch NGO Women Win in starting the “However Tall the Mountain Fund” in which funds will be used to support programs for Muslim women in sports. Readers can log onto my website at http://www.awistaayub.com/ to find out how they can help.

Jen: Thank you so much for stopping by to chat with my readers. HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN is a truly inspirational book. I wish you all the best with your program. Thanks for making the world a better place for all girls around the globe.
Awista:
Thank you. I enjoyed answering the questions and look forward to hearing the feedback from your readers.

I hope you have enjoyed my interview with Awista Ayub. Please stop by your favorite bookstore or local library branch and pick up a copy of HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN today.

Better yet, how would you like to win one? Okay, be one of the first five people to e-mail me at jensjewels@gmail.com with the correct answer to the following question.

From where does the title of Awista’s book originate?

Later this month, I will be bringing to you my interview with bestselling author Kris Radish. You won’t want to miss it.

Until next time…Jen

Jen's Bio:When a twist of fate landed Jennifer Vido at the "Reading with Ripa" roundtable discussion with Kelly Ripa and Meg Cabot, she knew that her career as a French teacher would never be the same. A graduate of Vanderbilt University, Jennifer is a member of Romance Writers of America and reviews books for the major publishing houses, such as Random House, Penguin, and Harper Collins. Currently, she is a columnist and reviewer for www.freshfiction.com, where her popular monthly column, Jen's Jewels, also appears. As a national trainer for The Arthritis Foundation's Aquatic and Land Exercise Programs, she is an advocate for those like herself who suffer from arthritis, the nation's #1 cause of disability. In addition, she serves as Vice-chairperson of the Board of Trustees of the Harford County Public Library where she resides with her husband and two sons. She may be reached at jensjewel s@gmail.com and JenniferVido.com.

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Author Quinn Cummings Talks With Jennifer Vido

Photo by D. DiPietro

Jen’s Jewels
July 15, 2009

Quinn Cummings

Have you ever wondered what it would have been like growing up as a famous child star? Take Miley Cyrus for instance. Thirty years from now, will she still be remembered as the hit singing sensation and television personality Hannah Montana? Or, will her greatest life achievement to date simply be the role of a loving mother to her precious children?
This month’s Jen’s Jewels has experienced that very dilemma. Quinn Cummings lit up the big screen as a child star and continues to do so today in the eyes of her daughter and loving husband. In her new book, NOTES FROM THE UNDERWIRE Adventures from My Awkward and Lovely Life, she tackles her toughest role yet as a mom, wife, and forty-something business woman. From camps to crafts, Quinn takes us on a hilarious journey as she chronicles the adventures of her everyday life.
As part of this interview, Hyperion Books has generously donated five copies for you, my lucky readers, to win. So, don’t forget to look for the trivia question at the end. And, thanks for making Jen’s Jewels a part of your reading adventure.

Jen: My readers recognize your name as being the famous childhood actor from the movie The Goodbye Girl as well as the television series Family. Since, then, you have taken on numerous roles in life as an agent, an inventor, and even a writer. First, let’s talk about your acting career. In what ways did your entry into the business at an early age influence your decision to make an exit? What was the best part of being a childhood star? The worst?
Quinn: I loved the bit between “Action” and “Cut.” I hated everything else. I didn’t like being a public figure when I just wanted to be a kid; I certainly didn’t like having to wait for someone else to give me a job doing what I loved to do. Sadly, statistically, the bit between “Action” and “Cut” was the smallest part of my life and it’s hard to keep loving something which shows up so rarely.

Jen: It came as no surprise to me (having read your book) that after the birth of your daughter Alice, you embarked on a new entrepreneurial adventure. (Your personal drive for success really shines through in your humorous anecdotes.) Please tell us about it.
Quinn: It began because I developed Carpal-Tunnel Syndrome when I was pregnant. It leaves the minute you give birth, but I ended up with some nerve-damage to my hands and wrist, which would be exacerbated by the exact bend in the wrist it took to hold my daughter on my hip. A friend of mine and I started creating a baby-carrier for older babies and toddlers which would displace the weight across your upper body and not just rely on your arm. It took us nine months to create it the perfect shape but it’s a whole new design. We have a patent and everything! You can find it at http://www.thehiphugger.com/; it’s not my first priority any more, but we’re still selling the ones we have made.

Jen: Not only did you start your own business, but in February of 2005 you began to put your writing talents to good use in The QC Report. For those readers unfamiliar with your blog, please share with us its conception, purpose, and significance in relation to modern life.
Quinn: The blog began because I was writing to multiple friends at once, filling them in on the details of my life and I noticed I was cutting-and-pasting freely. It was starting to feel as if I was re-gifting my emails. So as not to feel re-gifty, I decided to write a single blog, tell my friends about it and let them get caught up with us as they were inclined. Two months later, a friend suggested it to Newsweek "Blog of the Week" column and they included it. It was, and I hope continues to be, a fearless examination of how I’m an idiot. I’m loathing putting the word “Significance” to any writing exercise which has included me accidentally insulting a little person. Correction; repeatedly accidentally insulting a little person.

Jen: Your latest undertaking is a hilarious account of your life experiences in NOTES FROM THE UNDERWIRE Adventures from my Awkward and Lovely Life. What was the driving force behind your decision to put your life into words?
Quinn: First of all, thank you so much for your kind words. Why do I write? Because of this equation: PP+ 20m= PH(e)2.That is, any Private Pride I feel about my ability to run my life, take care of my child, attend to my business or behave in a way that could be described as competent will be followed, in less than twenty minutes, by a Public Humiliation that is equal to the Private Pride squared. If I So, Quinn logic concludes, if people are going to catch me being an idiot, I might as well tell the story before they do.

Jen: I just had to laugh when I read your story about the “good soap.” As moms, everything we have is common property. Being able to claim something as our own is unheard of! In your opinion, what makes mom’s stuff so attractive?
Quinn: Oh, I wish I knew. If we could discern that special mom-pheromone, scientists could create an anti-version which mothers could spray all over their clothing and their objects. In the meanwhile, my kid is in my party-heels more often than I am.

Jen: Your chapter called Through the Great Room, Past the Gym hits the nail on the head in terms of the present state of our society. We all wanted bigger and better, yet look at where we are now as a nation. How do you think the American household’s need to cut back will positively affect the familial unit as a whole?
Quinn: I’d like to think there will be benefits, but I don’t know anyone who is saying things like “Gosh kids, let’s avoid the crowds in the Hamptons this summer. Let’s cancel the $100,000 a month rental house and just sit around enjoying our backyard and having Game Night!” I know people who are acutely aware of how much longer they have on COBRA and how many people have been laid off from their spouse’s company this year. A friend of mine, her husband having been laid off two years ago, describes herself as an early adopter of the new poverty. We’re all more awake to the things which really matter and what doesn’t (Hi, new car! See you in about five years!), but it’s hard to imagine how living in constant dread positively affects anyone.

Jen: Your story about summer camps in And the Livin’ is Easy was so true. There seems to be a summer camp for everything no matter what the cost or purpose. Not to mention the pressure involved in getting your child in the “right” one. If you could wave a magic wand and create the ultimate camp for your daughter, what would it be and why?
Quinn: She would come back at the end of every day having been encouraged to try something new, make a friend, work through a problem and eat a cruciferous vegetable without sobbing. Mostly, she’d be very, very tired.

Jen: The title of your book is quite catchy. Why did you choose it? And in what way does it best describe the chronicles of your life?
Quinn: Glad you like it. It was the title I came up with that made the marketing department happy, which was only slightly less difficult than writing the actual book. There were a few months there where if I was staring off into space it was safe to assume I was trying to come up with a title which made the marketing department think "Funny!" and "Wildly successful!" We finally came back around to the subtitle of the blog, which I thought up years ago while sitting at a stoplight. It's kind of "Notes from Underground," only girly. It was offered to the marketing department and, thankfully, they gave their big marketing-department collective nod of approval, and we were in the title business. Their only request was that the phrase be in the book, so I spent a taxing but ultimately pleasing week or so trying to crowbar it into the book. It's there, and I like to think it's not blatantly after-the-fact. And what does it mean? Oh, not a thing. But I bless the fortunes for giving me Brenda Copeland as an editor, who heard the title and remembered this bra ad. She felt the visual had the right combination of poor decision-making and potential harm (You will notice the car is off the tracks) and surreal good cheer; those traits say "Quinn Cummings" to me.

Jen: A question I just have to ask…what is the origin of your husband’s name, Consort? Is it a family name? (I like it! My husband’s name is Durbin!)
Quinn: Actually, when I first started writing the blog, I wanted to come up with a name for him which wasn’t actually his name. Consort is the official title for a man who has married a queen but isn’t actually royal himself. Since I am possibly the least regal person ever, I thought it had a certain subtle humor. Now I’m thinking perhaps it was subtle to the point of non-existent, which is where I fear a lot of my humor goes unless I monitor it closely. Although I’m loving your husband’s name and will start bothering friends who are pregnant with putting Durbin on their boy-name list.

Jen: What are your promotional plans for NOTES FROM THE UNDERWIRE? Will be you be participating in a book tour? Will you be scheduling Author Phone Chats? And if so, how would my readers go about scheduling one? Do you have a mailing list?
Quinn: For the moment, my author tour is small and modest, as befits 2009. I am, however, available for blog book tour events and would love to do Author Phone Chats. Follow me through Twitter (I’m Quinncy), get in touch with me and we’ll make it work.

Jen: Are you currently at work on your next project? Or, are you taking a break for the summer?
Quinn: I have an idea, and am currently in the “Actively avoiding writing it” stage of writing. I’m very good at that stage; it’s when I get everything dreary done in the house. Those copper-bottomed pans are going to sparkle, let me tell you.

Jen: Thank you so much for taking time to stop by and chat with my readers about your new release, NOTES FROM THE UNDERWIRE. I wish you all the best.
Quinn: Thank you so much for inviting me. I am very grateful to my blog and book-readers for their support and good wishes.

I hope you have enjoyed my interview with Quinn. Please stop by your favorite bookstore or local library branch and pick up a copy of NOTES FROM THE UNDERWIRE Adventures from My Awkward and Lovely Life today!

Better yet, how would you like to win one instead? Okay, be one of the first five people to e-mail me at jensjewels@gmail.com with the correct answer to the following trivia question and you’ll win!

What is Quinn’s name on Twitter?
Next month, I will be bringing to you my interview with Awista Ayub, author of the inspirational story HOWEVER TALL THE MOUNTAIN. You won’t want to miss it.

Until next month…Jen

Jen's Bio:When a twist of fate landed Jennifer Vido at the "Reading with Ripa" roundtable discussion with Kelly Ripa and Meg Cabot, she knew that her career as a French teacher would never be the same. A graduate of Vanderbilt University, Jennifer is a member of Romance Writers of America and reviews books for the major publishing houses, such as Random House, Penguin, and Harper Collins. Currently, she is a columnist and reviewer for www.freshfiction.com, where her popular monthly column, Jen's Jewels, also appears. As a national trainer for The Arthritis Foundation's Aquatic and Land Exercise Programs, she is an advocate for those like herself who suffer from arthritis, the nation's #1 cause of disability. In addition, she serves as Vice-chairperson of the Board of Trustees of the Harford County Public Library where she resides with her husband and two sons. She may be reached at jensjewel s@gmail.com and JenniferVido.com.